I had a dream the other night, in which I was a billionaire. When I say a dream, I mean a glimpse into the future. And guess what? In the future, I have a mansion with a frozen yogurt bar in the basement and an underground tunnel that leads to the mall, a 5-star restaurant, and the houses of everyone I love (which I bought for them, since I’m also a lot more generous in the future). My closet is the size of a small house. My other residences are in New York City and somewhere in Europe. My husband is a film director, my five-year-old daughter plays with Barbies and Batman, and my dog enjoys dancing the salsa.
Then I wake up. My first question, quite naturally, is: How do I get there? I ponder for a few minutes and then move on to the more pressing matters of my day, like what type of pancakes to eat. A day or two later, I read an article on Box Office Mojo about billion-dollar movies. I learn that Transformers 3 has recently become the tenth film in history to surpass $1 billion worldwide. Three of the ten passed the milestone within the past three months. In a time with an upside-down economy, it looks like we’re not exactly pinching pennies when it comes to buying that inflated, overpriced, 3-D movie ticket. So, that’s when it hits me: I know how to become a billionaire.
I’m going to make the next billion-dollar movie.
Luckily, I’m a screenwriting student and I also have a really great original idea. And I’m going to share it with YOU first, reader! Invest your money in this surefire hit before everyone else beats you to it 1!
We open on a boy, an orphan, perhaps, let’s call him Joe. He lives in a cupboard under the stairs because his aunt and uncle are mean and they pay more attention to the animated little blue people 2 that talk to them (they seem interesting, I wish I could watch a few more hours about them). 
Now Joe is older. Every time Joe looks at the tree in his front yard, he thinks about his life and ponders existential questions 3.
Joe used to enjoy making movies with his dorky best friends, but filmmaking was the last thing on his mind when an alien made of rubix cubes took a vacation in his hometown 4. With a cowboy’s insight and experience 5, Joe defeated the alien (and wondered what other adventures the cowboy had in his hat!). 
That was also when Joe met Darla, the star of his zombie film. They had a brief romance, but they were just kids, and they quickly retreated to friend territory. It wasn’t until now, when they were older, that they rekindled their steamy affair. Even still, they insist they are just friends—with benefits 6, nix the strings. Joe does fall in love though, and he decides to propose to Darla. The only problem: Joe has no money.
He decides to steal a nice fast car 7 and rob a bank in a furious fashion. Things work out really well in the end (maybe he’ll try this again), except for that Joe leaves a real mess of cars and a smashed bank vault in his wake. And then there is the little glitch that his stolen car turns out to be not so nice after all, but actually a Decepticon 8! Joe looks at his tree and reminisces about his prior hardships and what got him through them, so Joe tries telling the Decepticon about his dead parents. The Decepticon’s eyes remain cold and red. So Joe decides to mind his own business (he can just learn about the Decepticons on the news), and goes home to propose to Darla. She says yes, her bridesmaids9 endure some wacky situations leading up to the big day (I wish I could know more about that maid-of-honor!), and the ceremony goes off without too many hitches.
Happily wed, Joe and Darla both decide it’s time to share their biggest secrets. She is a mutant 10 and he is a wizard 11. Both are shocked and hurt that the other didn’t tell him/her earlier, and they cancel their honeymoon, deciding to spend a little time apart and take care of some important business.
Da
rla seeks refuge amongst other mutants (later Joe asks, what was mutant school like?) and Joe enters the magical wizarding world, where he is welcomed enthusiastically. When a British girl tells Joe the whereabouts of his parents’ wizard murderer, Joe makes a quick pitstop to buy a wand, fly on a magical horse, and kill the most notorious wizard in history.
He returns home, but Darla is still gone, so he drives over to his job at the lab. His tests on the chimpanzees aren’t going so well and it’s almost like they’ve gotten smarter 12. Joe discounts this possibility as merely his exhaustion from killing that wizard (that might cost him).
Darla comes back and she and Joe go on their honeymoon; they travel by pirate ship (with some good-looking hijinks-prone pirates 13) to Paris 14, where they meet some quirky Americans who have romances with one another. Joe and Darla go home and are so happy together.
Just for good measure, they buy some cute puppies, dance in old-timey clothes and look at each other stoically, have passionate sex, hang out with the superheroes that live next door, confront a creepy little girl ghost, and examine the artistically stunning decades past 15. It seems like they’re going to be just fine…or are they…? 16
Note: This will be a nonlinear narrative with cool flashbacks and the potential guarantee of multiple origin prequel films and sequels.
What’s that smell? Oh, it’s just a billion-dollar franchise.
1) You may contact me below in the comments section for more details on where to send your monetary investment. 2) $245M 3) $39M & Palm d’Or 4) $220M 5) $89M 6) $61M/147M 7) $605M 8 ) $1B 9) $265M 10) $350M 11) $1.2B 12) $183M 13) $1B 14) $83M 15) $BILLIONS 16) MORE $BILLIONS
